one time my teacher gave me an F on a paper and wrote “see me after school” on it and i was stressing all day about it but when i went later to ask her what was wrong with it she changed the F to an A and said “you were pissing me off this week i wanted you to suffer for a few hours” and i didnt trust her for the rest of the year
so im babysitting this girl right now and we’re watching tv and the satellite sort of cut out cause it was raining really hard
so i just said “thunder god if you give back our satellite i’ll give you ice cream”
a second later the thunder clapped again and our tv came back
the girl is forcing me to hold up my end of the deal so guess who’s making ice cream for the thunder god
I’m going to make a youtube video entitled
"Shit ALL men say”
and it will consist only of the phrase “But not all men say that~!!”
And then I’ll wait for men to stare at their keyboards in utter distress as they contemplate the paradox of their intense desire and desperation to inform me that not all men say that.
I will break them.
soulmate AU where you wake up on your 18th birthday with the first words your soulmate will say to you tattooed on your body so you’ll know them when you meet them
admittedly, there are a few bugs in the system
Sometimes I wonder whether I have any real intelligence or if I just have enough random bits of surface knowledge to bullshit my way through most things.